Log in

"All that you thought you'd never have [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | G:\JAC.HTML ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(3roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[02 Oct 2005|02:11am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

"Can we take a ride, get out of this place while we still have time?"

(1roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[29 Sep 2005|08:32am]
depression hits again...fucking sweet.

I knew he wouldn't even care I wasn't there anymore...that's why this all happened.

fuck it

(4roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

i don't know [20 Sep 2005|10:19pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Just got back from Chicago. It was pretty fun except for Josh and I fought alot for some odd reason. When it's all said and done though I still love him lol. I'm kind of mad at my "best" friends. One left without even saying goodbye. The other doesn't even come visit me when she 's home. Whatever I've got Murdz good enough for me. I'm movin' out... I hope...But I don't really feel like talkin', Except for fuck guys. And music is awesome. And..I love joshua..he har!

i love my work
i miss hungry howies though...

later hoes
<3 jacqui

(1roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[02 Sep 2005|11:27am]
What a complainer... lol


(4roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[31 Aug 2005|01:19am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Laura's house
fun at first
People came
and by people
I mean one person
Loud and wouldn't shut up
about stuff I could care less about
But that's ok
Cuz Josh probably thought she was
...i love jealousy
At that point all I really wanted was to be
reading my book
But instead I have to wait for
Josh to play cards
and keep listening to stupid ass stories
On top of that drive him home
Which I hate doing
I hate driving late at night
I hate not having gas
everyother day becuz of the distance
I hate when people turn off the radio
I hate when people keep pushing me
even thought I'm trying to be as calm
as possible
So we get in the car
and all the above happens
he decides to get out of the car and walk...
walk to Flat Rock
The drama begins...
Part of me wants to let him walk all the way
home like a dumbfuck
The other part is just thinking of my God please
get in the fucking car so I can get home
Even when I'm in the most careless mood ever
I still care about his safety/well being
Love doesn't disspear
The whole way home
I have no desire to talk whatsoever
Why can't he just read my mind and know what to do
Buttons keep getting pushed
I'm ready to run myself over with my own car
I don't want to talk
I want to go home
I want to forget everything
and just go to bed
Not argue
Mainly because I had to piss
and piss I mean cause a flood
that's how bad...
The usual happens he gets out
slams the door...
Who knows when he'll call or I'll call
It's just one of those stupid ass games
you go through and when it's all over
you think
what a waste of fucking time
Part of me's upset that the night didn't end
the right way
with hugs and kisses and friendly words
But I won't pretend
Part of me really doesn't give a fuck about
anything that's going on ... anything
It's just one of those days
one of those moods
These evil, joy stealing, unfixable moods
fuck being a girl!
So I'm driving home...
A train!!!!!!!!!!
Not just any train ...
no no..
The kind that stays for 20 minutes and then stops
and reverses..
yes those kind.
Still remembering breathing is threating me pissing my pants.
And that I had to be home in 5 minutes.
I get on the island...to the light and slide into a slight ditch...
Perfect timing..right?
I'm going down Macomb trying to hurry home..I'm going about 37 down a 25...
Mainly becuz someones riding my ass an it's pissing me off...
I start to turn into the complex...
And the lights come on..
Are you serious?

That's where I leave this story.... the story of an ugly, overtired, aggravated, hormone injected, broke ass-dumbshit girl. Who has no fucking desire to read now that's she FINALLY HOME!!!!!!!!!!! And who now has to deal with a pissed off boyfriend, who just doesn't understand the ridicoulous side effects of being a girl... and when to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

(4roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

backstreets back again... [25 Aug 2005|12:26pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

So here I am...resorting back to the livejournal! Yes! Yesterday was Miss Sarah Whites 18th birthday...yay for her. We went out to eat and then to Club Divine...first time I've ever been to a club, not that great in all seriousness.But I had alot of fun w. my friends. Josh gave Sarah a lapdance for her birthday lol. Speaking of friends their all going away : ( reality's starting to hit, I'm growing up. There's just all these memories I keep thinking of when I was younger,and how even if I tried to relive them, they just couldn't ever be the same, becuz my mindset is matured. It sucks...so sad. But for once I can say I am actually just plain happy. I hate to say that becuz then it'll probably all turn to sh*t. But things are going pretty good. I'm not going to college this semester,although I definatly should be and I'm upset with myself that I'm not. But....it'll happen. I am currently working @ hooters lol...random I know. But I quite my job at Krogers...I miss the people alot but I just really didn't like the job. I'm not sure how much I like this job yet becuz I just got done training and then I have to take this stupid test over again. But I'm hoping I'll get good at it, and then make lots of money's lol. Probably not but you know. Josh spent the night last night it was cool. I love him, hehe. I miss high school lots. I was one of the ones who wanted to leave the most, now I want to go back. There's so many things I miss about it. Just learning too, I miss that. Crazay I know. Like my hummanities class..and Shakespeare. I loved those classes, they were like inspiring. Anyways...I've been sort of going back to youth group. It just still makes me really sad for some reason. It's like just all the friends I used to have aren't my firends anymore and their all grown up and different. And now Josh and Bj are gone.... : ( I don't know I'm in this middle of life ...where nothing makes sense anymore..and I'm trying to grasp to something familiar. I've been getting mad at josh alot lately.... : (
The Rolling Stones are comming up...
Chicago for 4 days...
Disney World this winter...
3 things Jacqui loves! hehe


(3roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[15 Jun 2005|10:17am]

Friends Only

Comment to be added

(4roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[13 May 2005|09:12am]
[ mood | thankful ]

<3 What a wonderful day, I actully got to spend the jist of it with Joshua. That made me really happy, cuz I've been feeling retarted lately. It's so weird, I've had alot of boyfriends but none were like him. We watched 'Sin City,' good movie. Being with him was absolutly wonderful... I couldn't let him go lol. There's something so addicting and indescribable about touch. I can't explain it, besides saying I love love being with him. I am truely overly thankful for him. Things are going great, no fighting, no jealously. And whenever I feel anything I just tell him and 99% of the time he makes me feel better about it. How amazing life is with someone to share it with : )

I'm excited that it's Friday but kind of not.. cuz I doubt I'll see the love. All my close friends are on a regatta, I should have never joined the anti-crew pact. What a dumb idea lol. Ooo maybe I'll give Brandon Cisco a call, I've been trying to get in touch with some people that I've lost touch with lol. Plus I absolutly love that kid, he's a trip. I already miss Mooky, and Say say in school. But I got Vio so you know.... Vio's pimp. I love my friends <3...gosh I just love everything lately lol. The whole graduation thing is starting to hit me.... I'm gonna' miss this place in such an odd way. I've had four amazing years.. with the most amazing people. In all seriousness looking back. I spent the most of it with James, none regreted... he's the greatest best friend ever! And Mooky, Say say, Murdz, Britt,and Vio always there for me.... always. I love you guys : ) Ohh gosh... I'm graduating...I'm scared now. Music is amazing... life is amazing : )

SAT = PROM !!! WOO WHOO! I'm so excited...this feeling is so scary and unpromising.. yet incredibly awesome... I'm so lucky!

..sing to me of summertime.. of thoughts to fill my mind.. that's all I ask of you..

<3 jax

(1roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[28 Apr 2005|05:42pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

The Most beautiful thing anyone has ever written me, thankyou so much.


Like every story, this one begins

Once apoun a time...

A minute, moment, or lifetime,

I cannot tell.

I found myself in the middle of a wood

Among broken patterns of forest light.

Afar beneath a Grand Oak, I saw

A young girl, lovlier then the Air I breathe.

Violently she wept on a bright

and Golden square between her hands

and she held it tight.

Courage I had,

Though none was found

I could say nothing.

Soon my mind was consumed...

with nothing and out of curiosity

I spoke.


"Today this day is beautiful and new,

Like the eyes from whence your tear became.

What truely disgusting have Demons made

That makes a Queen so sad?"


"This mirror." said she.

"Has burned my vile reflection within it's frame.

 I cannot see my face.

But only twisted distortions of the place

where my mind meets reality.

Look into the mirror please.

I shall never ask anything again.

I want to tell someone all that I see."


I knew not why I looked,

But still I did.

And then gazed into the most wonderful

portrait I have ever seen.


Then she said, "Look,

At all these horrible things I percieve as only me.

There is a weed bleeding,

Beneath a dying tree.

A gentle breeze erodes and wastes away

A precious stone.

I see death and hate.

Darkness devouring light."


"Poor woman,

You see only a rippled reflection

Translated in your shattered mind.

For I see not what you see.

Our mind's thoughts are intimately close,

Yet not at all.

But I must go.

My body is starved

And I have forgotten all that I once knew.

I will come this way again,

To see your lovely face."



"Cruel and heartless man,

You do not even care.

My soul is torn

And before you laid bare...

You walk away."


"How long have I stayed here,

By your side?

Months, years..? Only to gaze

At a mirror image of a face.

I have gladly left and lost

My whole life.

Break me not.

Don't tell me that I dont' care.

But forgive me Beautiful,

I spoke too soon.

My heart is bitter and cold,

I have no compassion or Charity.

My mind is consumed with violent dreams,

And thoughts of only myself.

But there is a spark,

Lit in my heart the moment I saw you

Beneath this oak.

I feel warmth, ever so small,

growing more and more still.

My pride is great,

Yet you tare it away.

I do care.

More now that I have ever.

I will stay,

If you take this offer.

I will bet you my heart that I do care,

Please believe what I say."


"Tell me then what you have seen." said she


"Only what you have,

But so much more.

A rose beneath January's tree.

A mountain torn down by timeless love.

I see a starlit night.

Life, Love, and Heaven on Earth.

God, Angels, and Perfect Creation.

I see it all in you,

Though you do not."


                                          I love you

(2roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

'almost to bright to see' [21 Apr 2005|10:43pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Lately has been so blahh, seriously just everything. It's not fair to the people around me, or that I do this to myself. The way I think, act, speak, fuck me. So my boyfriend pretty much doesn't like me, ha fun. Point being Wendseday was Underoath, it was amazing in every aspect. The Chariot, and Fear before the March of Flames made me have an orgasm in front of dewey, sam, wade, and Josh. I was just like 'please someone touch me!'I love music, I truely do. It's above everthing in the world to me, wouldn't give it up for anything. I'm glad Josh enjoys shows, it's something we can do together now. During the pits though we def. lost eachother for like the whole show, but Dewey held me for the most of the time. Then I had to get all wild and crazay on his ass, you know how I do. But in seriousness, I truely enjoyed the show. It took me to another world. Which reminds me, Josh and I watched Finding Neverland, it was beautiful. I also made a cake today : ) I know, right? I have an interview tomorrow at Gadzooks. Prob. not gonna' get that job but it doesn't hurt to try.

i would never eat a chicken.


(roses buried around my eyes)

**Prom Night** [18 Apr 2005|08:05am]
[ mood | curious ]




Last dance ever : (

It was a whole lot of fun, Joshua was a wonderful date, and my friends were awesome. The limo was effen' sweet. Wade was alot of fun. Actually everyone was. The after shindig, silly things happened. I was a big jerk. Woke up in the morning next to Tony, freaked, went up stairs called Josh. Went to Josh's house, a little disagreement for a little while. Things got better and we made up, x2, it was lovely. All day I got to go to Josh's house. It was Alyes b-day party, it was cute. Greg came over for a lil while at the end. Fell asleep w. the love : ) He gave me the sweetest ring ever, I'm never taking it off..haa hee.


My hands go up, my head goes back
And the Creator speaks my true name
I am here for healing
I open my body
and in the dream
carefully pull out each one of my vital organs
Placing them on my blanket to heal in the sun
I am grateful to know these visions
Because time is different here
-billy effen' corgan : )

(2roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

depression....haunting.. [14 Apr 2005|10:52am]
"yet i'm nothing more
then a line in your

(1roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

..i thought about a burning fire... [14 Apr 2005|10:08am]
[ mood | curious ]

...been a long time on this silly thing... yeah you know.

-Sarah Murdz and I went on a cruise, that was fun.
-Last week was special scheduling, that was even more fun.
-This week it's already Thurseday. Let's recap this last week.

Fun,fun. No but seriously it was. I got the whole day w. the love, that doesn't happen much. We had to go to Catholic church, always weird to me. Then his church to help out with a dinner.  Sour punch, stupid girls, and toy houses.  : )  We went to his school again, it feels less and less weird everytime I go there. Then big boys, yucky onion rings, pleasent company. I broke. (x2)

That was the day, that Josh died. Well almost. Tickets, never fun. We went and picked out his tux, no pink : ( platinum, next best thing. It's going to look wonderful.

L<3v's house. Then to Bangkok 96 to enjoy a lovely meal. New place to eat : ) Then 'Sky Captain.'

Youthgroup. Began wonderully, then I went retarted. I hate when I get like that, it's not fair to other people. But Joshua made me feel alot better, and Brandon but just cuz' he's so dumb. It felt good to be back in church, our team won! Tee hee. I really like this place. Ohh the cherry to top the night, I got pulled over. Haha what a retard....I wish i would have got a ticket that way I would never drive retarted. Point being, Wenseday was bittersweet. Glad it happened though.

TODAY! YAY! First full day of school, drag. At least I get to accomplish stuff though. I have alot of blahh stuff to do today. I gotta go to the doctors, yuck.

                               2morrow, nyone else up for the movies? Yet another scary movie : /         They like to torture  me.

                     *SATURDAY=SENOIR PROM :):):)*
                   With the best group,& the best date.
                  Escape plans, fireworks, glitter, smiles...Save tonight.


Ashes to ashes dust to dust

Beautiful Child turning into stone

With your eyes so dim I shudder

Bitterness runs through your soul

Like small children

Confusion dances in the dusk of your mind

Exchange your blessings for deceptions good night kiss

Skin like winter

Cherished one fading away

I can see your breath begging to resurrect into death

Hiding scars back laced with splinters

Audience of a congregation make your way to the front

Close your eyes and grieve

You played your part so well













(2roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[13 Apr 2005|10:59pm]
[ mood | confused ]


picture with the bunny before Sadies, that I went to with the best date ever.


(roses buried around my eyes)

[21 Feb 2005|04:21am]
i want to make you happy, but I've fallen I'm sorry, I thought my wings could hold me up with angels not demons...u don't know how cool you are...to find the ways to love me without shame...


(3roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[14 Feb 2005|11:02am]
Love me,
my razor blade.

Peel my skin,
make me scream.

Sink so deep,
make me weep.

Cut my flesh,
make me bleed.

Take my life,
set me free.

(roses buried around my eyes)

[14 Feb 2005|10:35am]
The distance and my hearts to sand flowing through the hour glass. Time to let go of all we know and break our hearts in stride. I need you now more like yesterday the last day I could see you smile for the last time turn out the lights my life on standby.So standby and watch this fall away and fall apart. Just say that it's over , it's over and he's gone. Don't worry he said and he's not comming home. It's over and he's gone. The distance in my hearts to sand flowing through the hour glass I fall to pieces. I can't let go of all the times I never said goodbye. Wake up now it's over just tell me it's ok to die.
Dissolve and decay there's nothing left of me. Sit back and let her die, slowly, don't cry, she didn't love you anyway. Just try to make it out alive, alive means your blood is flowing.
So here we are, back to the start again. Trying hard to wait till morning. Hey rise, and shine, open up your eyes. To give this world some color. Shine diamond eyes, seperate the space between love and lies. As days go by, the memories remain, I won't let go. These days remain the same pictures fade away. Please don't ever change. Please don't change your mind. No matter what they say I'll always wait. I hope you never change.As you drip through veinscolor I'll wait for you as days go by swear I'll try until I die, anything for

You are the ghost of everything that I'm not and I want to be Dear black goodbye don't forget to write your name inside of my life.

(roses buried around my eyes)

[11 Feb 2005|09:49am]
[ mood | determined ]

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.-Romans 12:10

Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Matthew 22:37 - And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

Mark 12:31 - The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

Luke 6:27 - "But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Luke 6:32 - "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.

Luke 6:35 - But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish.

****He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.****

John 15:12 - "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

1 Corinthians 16:13 - Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong.

Colossians 2:2 - that their hearts may be encouraged as they are knit together in love, to have all the riches of assured understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, of Christ,

(1roses . | roses buried around my eyes)

[09 Feb 2005|10:21am]
....I love you like a fat kid loves cake, you know my style i'll do anything to make you smile...

(roses buried around my eyes)

[09 Feb 2005|09:46am]
.."can't explain all the feelings that your making me feel, my hearts in overdrive nad your behind the steering wheel. Touching you, Touching me, Touching you cuz your touching you. I believe in a thing called love just listen to the rythm of my heart. There's a chance we could make it now, we'll be rockin' till the sun goes down. I wanna' kiss you every minute every hour every day, you've got me in a spin but everything is a.o.k. .."

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]